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Podcast #32: Reclaiming Your Power in Dating

AKA: how to date in a way that is empowering and not soul-sucking.

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Podcast #32: Reclaiming Your Power in Dating

Dating can be exhausting… especially in post-grad. You may be experiencing a lot of first dates with no second dates. Maybe you’re dealing with a lot of ghosting, and you’re getting tired of being the only single friend. It’s easy to get discouraged with all of the struggles that go into dating in your twenties after college. In this week’s episode, we talk about how to date in a way that empowers you.

How to Date - first date

The Problems With Dating in Your Twenties

Dating in your twenties is no cake walk. If it was, we’d all have icing on our feet instead of feeling burned all the time.The good news is, you’re not alone. Here are some of the major problems with dating as a recent college grad:

  • You go on way more first dates than second dates.
  • You will end up with swiping fatigue from all that time spent on Hinge.
  • You will likely encounter some not-so-nice people.
  • You have to deal with people who have different intentions than you.
  • You’ll have to deal with being ghosted or rejected by people you were feeling excited about.
  • You may have to end things with someone who was more excited about you… and that feels bad, too.
  • Balancing all of this with the rest of your life (career, finances, friendships, a social life, hobbies, etc.) is super challenging.

How to Date

How to Date in Your Twenties (In An Empowering, Non-Soul Sucking Way)

In this episode, we talk about how to date in your twenties in a way that reclaims your power. Here are just a few of the highlights, but make sure to tune into the episode for much more detail.

1. Focus on loving who you are before you start dating.

Don’t start dating as a band-aid to your own insecurities. This is not a solid foundation for finding a good partner. If you don’t love who you are as an individual, it’s hard to put your best foot forward in the dating world. It’s easier to stick to your own standards if you’re confident with who you are first, too.

2. Stop settling for less.

We know it’s cliche, but once you actually take this lesson to heart, it will change how you approach dating. If a guy or gal or non-binary pal is being a jerk to you, don’t make excuses for their behavior! Either call them TF out or end it. Period.

3. Put your feelings at the forefront.

We always want people to like us. Instead, try to focus on whether or not you actually like them. Stop trying to make everyone you date like you, and just be yourself. If they don’t like you, they’re not meant for you anyways.

4. Don’t be afraid to date multiple people at once.

Of course, make sure everyone you’re seeing is on the same page here. But if you’re not exclusive with anyone, play the field! It will allow you to figure out what you do and don’t like, and it can provide clarity on which potential partner really ignites your flame.

5. Be brutally honest with yourself.

Do you actually like this person, or are you trying to force something because you desperately want a relationship? Any relationship isn’t what you’re looking for here – you want to hold out for the right relationship.

6. Try not to take rejection too personally.

A friendly reminder to anyone who needs it: we *all* get rejected sometimes. It’s all part of the dating game. And you’ll reject people, too! Try not to take it so personally, and just get back out there to find a better fit.

Dating is all about finding a great fit. And a gym bro isn’t going to be a great fit for a gal who cringes at the sight of a dumbbell. That doesn’t mean you’re not amazing – it just means you haven’t found the right fit for you yet.

By Laura Davis

Laura was born at the beach in New Jersey, but she'd be the first to tell you her childhood was nothing like Jersey Shore. Sadly. When she's not writing, you can find her reading on her beloved Kindle, listening to true crime podcasts, or looking up adoptable cats.

Outside of her 9-5 as a writer, Laura is the owner of Looks by Laura, an online thrifted clothing boutique. She's the co-founder of Adultescence, a podcast and lifestyle website about navigating that challenging space between adolescence and adulthood. And she makes a mean eggplant parm.

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